A LETTER TO MY TEENAGE SELF
We are going to be fine, I promise.
There is so much I want to tell you, so much I wish I could say to you, if only I could turn back the hands of time. I know I can’t turn back the hands of time. Instead I write the letter as a form of closure to us (me and you).
I know that a lot of this is hard to understand, and that’s okay. Adolescence is a special time of your life. You are discovering who you are, and what direction your life is going to take. You are sitting at you desk at Fggc Sagamu, daydreaming about what could be and counting days until you don’t have to be restricted within the four walls of boarding school. You are having the time of your life and you don’t even know it. Things don’t remain the same for long, no they take a turn for worse.
Here are a few advice I have for you.
Many friends are temporary. They come and go, but you already know this by now. Some family left too, people you thought loved you. Be friends with everyone, you never know when you’re going to run into each other again. Be known as the person who gets along with everyone. Remember that girl you met in fggc and became friends with? Az? She’s still your friend,….,.no that’s wrong, she’s your best friend. Although, you let a lot of friends go, you found a way to hold onto Az.
Stop speaking so flippantly to your mom, her heart is just about to shatter. Love your family and hold them tight, a web of lies is just about to tear you apart. Stop being so selfish and grow up, you are about to become your mom’s pillar of support.
Love your dad fiercely now, you are about to lose him, not physically of course, he is well and alive. Your relationship is just about to change drastically. You are about to look at him with so much pain and betrayal in your eyes and blame him for everything that went wrong in your family. Hug him now that you still can, you are about to go through a period when you can’t look him in the eyes. A period when that hurts you very much because you were always a daddy’s girl.
Love your parents, respect them and pray for them, you are about to see them go through a bitter separation and a Cold War that rages till this day. Love them now, because you are about to chose one over another, and you are about to be abandoned by the person you didn’t choose.
If you have wronged someone, apologise to them. You will always be happy and free when you admit to your faults and attempt to make them better. If someone hates you, let them hate, you just carry on with your life with a clear conscience. Never make decisions in anger, you are about to learn why, argue with a calm mind or don’t argue at all. Strive to be peaceful.
Please, be careful with your bluntness ,who you trust , who you tell your secrets. You are still naive and innocent, still comfortable with blurting out anything that pops into your head, and still think that treating everyone as an equal means letting people walk all over you. People will think what they want to think anyway, so voice out your opinions.
Also know that life has a different plan for you than you think, I mean a completely different path. I know how much your dreams mean to you now, how you have them written down in a paper. But the reality life has for you is so much better.
Stop holding your anger and frustration inside, blurt it out, I beg you. You are about to go through a period of so much pain than you know what to do with, you end up carrying that pain in your heart till this day, you never found a way to let go of the pain. A period of bitterness and so much resentment is ahead of you, and you let it make you bitter and resentful.
A word on men? Be aware of boys who tell you how good they are, who use self-praise as self-promotion. Be aware of men who call you sweetheart and who use your insecurities to control you. Men who are truly kind, truly good, need not shout it to the world. I want to tell you to stay away from that guy you think is so nice, the one you think will make the perfect boyfriend. I want to tell you to run as far away from him as possible and spare yourself years of mental abuse and torture. But the truth is, you come out of what he puts you through smarter and stronger. You come out of it a survivor and it helps you develop a sense of self-worth. You will relish freedom. You will learn that a woman does not need to be in a relationship to fulfilled, to be whole and happy.
You aren’t even close to having your life together. You have mastered makeup. You have an incredible family you love than anything, the pain you are about to go through? It hasn’t healed but you cope with it better now, you recently graduated from nursing college, you started a blog and an online store too.You don’t have it all. But you have enough.
Stay strong. You are a survivor.