11 Heartbreaking lessons I learned from a toxic Friendship

Friends can either be your greatest strength or your biggest mistake

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Friends are stuff nightmares are made off.  Have you ever heard of the saying “no man is an island”? It is true that we all need friends and people around is to make our life much more interesting. But what happens when your supposed friend is your worst enemy?

Mama always said be careful of the friends you keep, not that I ever listened and because I didn’t listen I have learned lessons nothing but experience could have thought me.

Below are the 11 heartbreaking lessons I learned from a toxic relationship, or you could say lessons I learned the hard way.

People change

This is probably the hardest pill to swallow, but  it is the truth. Nothing lasts forever, people change, you and I change, we evolve and we grow. The hardest part is to watch the person who always seemed like the innocent girl next door turn to a vicious viper and there is nothing you can do to keep them off the dangerous path they are travelling on.

Who they were then may not be who they are now, or perhaps I just decided to turn a blind eye to their faults all along. I am not someone who keeps a lot of friends, I can count on one hand the number of friends I have and still have space left, the mistake I made was turning a blind eye to their faults, perhaps they have always been poisonous and you just didn’t notice?

Being alone is not as scary as you think

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The problem most people have is the fear of being alone, at least I had this fear, my best friend is more than 11,000 kilometres away and I needed someone to relate to, someone I can talk to and trust to be there for me and I ended up bringing a viper into my life.

Thing is other people have seen and pointed out what I have just realised, my so-called friend was ruining my life and I let her for the fear of being alone.

Being alone is not as bad as people make it seem, I have come to realise that the only person that will ever truly love me is God and then myself. Did you know that you can find strength in your solitude and peace in your isolation?

With some type of friends who need enemies?

The bible verse that said the enemies of a man are members of his own household, didn’t lie. Ever wondered how complete strangers knows so much about you? Ask the people in your life, if you don’t  tell your friends so much your enemies wouldn’t know so much.

I have always been someone who needed at least one person to talk about everything going on in my life, whether good or bad, I guess it’s just my luck that out of everyone I could have chosen to be my friend I chose a complete b****.

Nothing lasts forever

There is this saying in my place that 20 people cannot be friends for 20 years. Some will outgrow each other, some will move away, some will have a falling out and some you just lose contact with.

The mistake I made and we all make on a regular basis is to become friends with people we should just say hi to in passing.

You are your own best friend

No one will ever look out for you like you would yourself. You are your own biggest cheerleader.

Truth is you can never truly know the heart of the person you call your friend. You can never know their true motives for being your friend.

Like my mom would say ”people keep red blood inside and spit out white saliva”. This simply means that people who have bad thoughts towards you keep it inside them and smile at you as if they love you.

Never underestimate yourself

I’m more than guilty of this, and truth is most of us are. We underestimate ourselves because we don’t fully understand our own strengths and our own capabilities.

You are strong ,yes you are. You don’t need anyone to validate you, you don’t need anyone to be complete, all you will ever truly need is yourself.

People get jealous over unreasonable things

All my life I’ve heard stories about how friends ruined their friend’s life and marriage and relationships and all that, I never believed it would happen to me, but it did, this dearest friend of mine cost me 2 relationships, all she had to do was plant seed o doubts in my mind about the person and make up fake stories and I be so naive and so impressionable took her words at face value.

Even when you don’t have much, there are people who still envy you of that little you have and will do anything to take it way from you.

There are friends who hate your happiness and will do anything to take it away from you

I think this year 2018 is a year allotted to me to learn lessons I’ve so stubbornly refused to learn in previous years.

Just because you have good thoughts towards your friends doesn’t mean they feel the same way about you.

There are some friends who will go out of their way to see you cry, you happiness depresses them. You need to run fast and far away from people like this, they can cost you your life.

Keep things to yourself

This is a lesson I needed to learn and oh boy did I learn it? In life you should only share 10% of your problems with “friends” keep 90% to yourself and see if you won’t be happier in all your endeavours.

Your best pal today is just a step away from being your worst enemy, be wise.

Not everyone has the same heart as you

I’m not saying I’m perfect, but I can say proudly that I have a good heart. I’m genuinely happy for my friend when they are happy and very sad for them when they are sad. I have no reason to be envious of my friends because I know not everyone has the same journey.

But was that the same energy I got from my so-called “friend”? No.

This “friend” of mine has the darkest of heart concealed behind an angelic face.

Forgiving them is important for your inner peace

When I look back at the me a year ago or even 5 months ago I would have let this kind of betrayal go unpunished. I would have paid pack tit for tat, but I like to think I’ve come to a pace of maturity in life where all I can do is smile and turn the other way like nothing happened.

I have forgiven my “friend” but our friendship is over, I needed to forgive her for myself and let it go.

But not forgive her and bring her back to my life, because she could poison me this time.

I forgive her with all of my heart because she needed to happen for me to learn new things about life.

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That being said, there are many amazing friends in the world I’m sure, but you can’t be too careful. Keep the details of your life to yourself, love yourself and be good to your bestie(you)

Do you have any lessons you have learned from toxic friendships too? Leave them in the comments section for me.

Please share this post If you found it helpful.

Love & Light,

Emma.

 

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4 Comments

  1. Shell Of A Girl says:

    Can’t tell you how much I relate to this. And it is because of this I know you must have suffered a great deal, because I have myself. Your advice is wonderful and it gives me strength and happiness to know I did the right thing cutting ties with toxic people and hopefully you will give many others the strength to do the same and believe in themselves.
    Keep up the amazing blog and your posts.
    Thx x

    Like

    • Thank you for your wonderful comment. I’m sorry about the things you went through, I truly believe only people who have gone something similar can relate, but I’m also thankful that you have put it behind you, it gets better thou, you learn a few lessons and move on, my mom always says life is a teacher. Take care of yourself and thank you again.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Shell Of A Girl says:

        Thankyou and oh well guess I can hope it’s made me stronger. Same here, I have a new friend but he just doesn’t get why I put my walls up and takes time to trust again. Glad it will continue to get better, for us both! I like that saying, very true! You too and no problem, message any time if you need a chat x

        Like

  2. I hope you mean that because I will☺️

    Like

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